The Church of Douglas Adams

Whi ishudunt be spehshel

2007-05-09T09:42:00.000-05:00

i chudntt b speshell becus iam reelie knot speshel @ all jus aks mistur secret rapture dude watts soo sectret aboot his nam.. he gets his secret part from the deoderant and she gets the rapture part frum thuh kuran du islamic bibl

THE END

ps i'm the king of pretend

New Creeds (Pslams) from Andrew of Petros

2007-05-01T09:18:00.000-05:00

Faith in the Heart Attack
A psalm from Petros

O Douglas Adams,
my heart goes out to thee;
for what else could replace
the one You lost?

O Redeemer of Literature,
I sing to thee;
for what else could replace
the voice that You lost?

Your words of glory
dispel the Blades of Glory.
Will Ferrel is nothing
compared to You.

I will sing your words,
and convert the books of
the undying True Tome,
to a beautiful song.

Douglas Adams, born of the Plotter,
I believe.
I believe.

In Times of Bad Literature
A psalm from Petros

Plotter, Plotter,
hear my cry!
Great books from
Margaret Atwood
surround my face.

I cannot look away,
and my eyes dwell on the
words of Evil.
They burn into my mind
like a brand.

I am a sigil of
terrible literature.
Bad grammar
falls from my mouth.

I am no longer a man of You.
Clear these words from my
mind forever,
Douglas.

But I know that
with your First Draft Eraser,
you can remove from me,
all of these terrible books.

You shall take up a
sword and behead her,
and cast Margaret Atwood,
into a dirty brook.

I'll never forget
your help.
The books you left me
when you died.

I'll preserve
those words in my heart forever.
Who else is greater
than thou?

Greetings from Pope Scott the First

2007-04-29T15:20:00.000-05:00

Greetings my children, I am Pope Scott the First, founder of the Dougian Church. Through me Douglas Adams speaks, and I follow his will. As head of the Church, I am in charge.

I would like to make you all aware of a great threat to our most humble Church. It is known as Al-Guidea. These radicals believe that there are only TWO books which were written by Author. This is HERESY!

I warn you all to not be taken in by there heretics, as the word the spread is blasphemous, and it is hereby forbidden by the church to visit their site:
http://www.alguidea.blogspot.com

As well, the church has begun an inquisition of all books ever written, to determine whether or not they are humorous and sci-fi enough to be read by Dougians. The books are marked as worthy or un-worthy after the ENTIRE book is read. Those books deemed un-worthy or blasphemous are to never be read by Dougians, and if ever a Dougian should come upon one, they are to be burned on the spot.

One book particularly stands out above all others thus-far as being especially not funny and un-sci-fi. This book is The Handmaid, by Margaret Atwood. This book is not only to be burned, but VERY BURNED.

The First Cap

2007-04-28T01:23:00.000-05:00

All right, Dougians, I know it's a little late, but problems have been facing the Church. Shooteran persecutions are taking their toll. *Sigh*. One day, the light of Douglas will engulf us. For He truly did have a heart attack to save literature, and we must uphold this belief. The Flames of Margaret Atwood can finally be quenched! Douglas Adams came to do so.

April 26th was to be the first day of our book club. Sadly, complications arose. For those of you who are planning to read along, I think I can take it upon myself to set a chapter cap that is simple.
I would say that before next Thursday, on May 3rd, that you be on the beginning of Chapter Three. Another name for this, by a system, is Hitchhiker's 3:1.

The first word states the book, i.e. Restaurant 1:5.
The first number is the chapter, so the above example would show Chapter One. The second number is the paragraph. So, the above states that the verse being quoted is from the fifth paragraph in the first chapter of Restaurant at the End of the Universe.

You need not worry, we are far from that verse.

However, for some practice, I will begin the cap at: Hitchhiker's 3:1. Basically, read to the beginning of chapter three by next Thursday!

Cheers, all.

-Andrew the Student

Preaching to the Pagans

2007-04-24T20:26:00.001-05:00

Hello, fellow Dougians! Hear my words, Student Andrew. We realize that our Commission is to spread the word of Douglas Adams, embedded in the Five True Tomes, to the world. So, to do this, we will need the co-operation of the few Dougians who are alive. The persecutions of the the Shooter Empire are intense, but we must persevere.

These Shooterans are lost, but can be found. We must preach our word to the "pagans", and let them see the light. Only in this way can there ever be more Dougians.

Also, if you have friends who enjoy the Hitchhikers Series, or you think they would, do not hesitate to show them this site. Only through Douglas Adams can we achieve true writing skill and reading taste. Praise be to Douglas! (makes Sign of the Hiker.)

For, as we must believe, there are many creeds that we must teach them: 'I believe that Douglas Adams had a heart attack to save literature. Through this, he could awaken people to the Truth. He suffered from authors from Margaret Atwood, like Todd Strasser, Lemony Snicket, and Victor Hugo.'

Good luck, Dougians!

The Sign of the Hiker

2007-04-24T19:01:00.000-05:00

Hey, Hikers/Dougians! We hope all is well with our members. For all of you who are unaware, we are incorporating a sign of faith into the Church. This will be known as the Sign of the Hiker. Below will be a visual guide on how to do this...

1) First, make your right hand into a "thumbs up" position like a hitchhiker.

2) Place the hand, with the thumb upwards, near the bottom of your stomach:

3) In a linear fashion, move the hand upwards close to your head:

4) Diagonally, thrust the hand (still with thumb upward) to your right side.

5) Then in a linear fashion, move it to the left side:

The Student's Creed

2007-04-24T10:02:00.000-05:00

Hail, and behold! The only people who are true fans of the Guide must not deny that it is Douglas Adams' true word, and that he did have a heart attack to save literature! Here is a short creed we have composed to give you an idea of what we mean:

THE STUDENT'S CREED

I believe in Author, the Plotter Almighty,
the Creator of the Guide.
And in Douglas Adams, His only Writer, our Noble.

Who conceived the Guide,
which was published by the Holy Publisher.
Suffered under Todd Strasser,
was ill, had a heart attack, and was buried.

The third day he did not return.

I believe in the Holy Publisher,
and in the one true holy Church of Douglas Adams,
good humorous literature,
and forgiveness of
primitive writing skills. Everlasting.

Amen.

A Message From Student Andrew

2007-04-23T17:08:00.000-05:00

Hello, everyone! I'm just here to inform you on some of the decisions that the Pope, the Archbishop, and I have made. Together, we have decided that anyone who has entered this book club (church) shall be called a Dougian (DOOG-en). Therefore, this is the Dougian Church.

I also have some advice for some of the people who are new to this book club:

Make sure you have a copy of the First True Tome: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. It will be pretty hard to read along without a book! Also, try and have your copy before April 26th, where we will be having our first meeting online, right here!

Ceremonies will be headed by our new Pope, whom I suspect is studying the First True Tome right now!

If you have any other questions, just comment!

-Andrew the Student

Our New Leader

2007-04-23T09:15:00.000-05:00

Listen, people of this book club! We have two leaders. These are Scott son of Glenn and Carson son of Tim. Scott has become our first "pope", or reading leader. He will direct our chapter caps, along with his Arch-Bishop Carson son of Tim. Praise be to Douglas. It is this way, that the Pope can read ahead in the Five True Tomes, and pick which verses will be a great ending point to discuss every Thursday.

Praise be to Douglas, our Noble and Author. Praise be to The Plotter. Praise be to the Holy Publisher, who is many seperate book publishers but also One.

So, Pope Scott son of Glenn, you'd better prepare for your lesson from the First Tome, and chapter/page cap for April 26th.

Join us!

2007-04-22T18:12:00.000-05:00

We are studiers and fans of the Hitchhiker's Series, as many of you well know, and we were commissioned to preserve the memory and spirit of Douglas Adams, the Son of Author. If you are a fan of the Hitchhiker's Series, then you can email me at andrewlmadill@hotmail.com. This way, I can include you in the Book Club.

All you need to participate in our study of the Guide is a computer with internet, a copy of the current book we are studying, and a Douglas Adams-loving heart that will keep to the Guide and its words. Our mission: spread the literary teachings of Douglas Adams, the Writer, throughout the entire world!

We plan to begin on the date of April 26th, where the first chapter or page cap will be set. Then, by next Thursday, you should be caught up to the cap. On Thursday, we will discuss our findings and such of the Guide, right here on the blog.

Thanks in advance for participating, or simply visiting and reading.

-Andrew

Prayer of the Church

2007-04-22T17:59:00.000-05:00

For those of you who don't know, there are only proper ways to bring glory to Douglas Adams, and the Heavenly Plotter. These proper ways were instituted to us, and will be kept to preserve the memory of our Noble, Douglas Adams.

This picture on the right shows the standard "Prayer position". Kneel, or stand, and bow your head. Then, place one hand in the other. With the hand on top, change it into the "thumbs up" position. This method was first introduced, and is named "Sticking your thumb to the stars."

This position will allow Author, His Writer, or the Holy Publisher to hear your thoughts or words as you say/think them.

Now, below, will be listed the Noble's Prayer...this should be said before any readings of the Guide.

THE NOBLE'S PRAYER

Our Author, who wrote the Guide,
hallowed be thy writing.
Thy books shall come,
thy will be written
as it is written in the Guide.

Give us this day
our daily page,
and forgive us our primitive writing skills,
as we forgive those
who primitively write against us.

And lead us not into
inhumorous writing,
but deliver us from
terrible literature.

For thine is the
New York Times Bestseller List,
the power and the money,
forever and ever.

Amen.

Death of Douglas and His Legacy

2007-04-22T17:27:00.000-05:00

Alas, one of the greatest authors to ever tread upon the literary world is dead. Yes, Douglas Adams left us on May 11, 2001. But alas, His death brought us hope! In the crumbling literary world, Author, manifested Himself into the flesh. This was Douglas Adams. He was sent to bring justice and humor back to the ever-so-dying literature filled with inhumorous works of fantasy or science fiction.

He also brought knowledge to us, of a Literary Trinity: Author the Plotter, Douglas the Writer, and the Holy Publisher. In this way, and the system He introduced, we can bring light and life back to books! But the only way we can improve our own writing skills and literary taste is to continually study and compare other books to His Hitchhikers Series.

So, to become the people Douglas wants us to be, we must read his books and learn from them. We have been given a Commission to spread His books across the world (using the internet), and to bring light and laughter back to literature!

It has only been six years since his death, but our mourning is now over! We must preserve His memory, through the Guide and its teachings, and become People of the Author!

Amen.